Armstrongization OH NO!
by Half-HeartedShadow
Summary: What happens to the guys when they seriously tick off the girls? A complete farce involving Armstrong's "sparklies!"
1. The plan of DOOM!

_**New story! Please review and enjoy. Also, if you have the time, read my other story, Shadows of Amestris. Your reviews will make my stories shine! (or burn if there are flamers)**_

**_Disclaimer is in my profile. (Unless you're an official person, I don't reccomend you read it. So boring)_**

**_Without further ado... let the insanity begin!_**

* * *

The day was nearing its end. Once again, the guys had ignored them, ordered them around, or talked down to them. Well, enough is enough! They wanted revenge!

So, during the night, all three of them decided to meet up for their little conspiracy. They were: Riza Hawkeye, Gracia Hughes, and Winry Rockbell. They met up in the one place no man dared tread… Riza's house.

They moved to her living room and turned down the lights for a dramatic effect. The couches were fairly comfortable, although the color could have been better. They were a bit on the turquoise side… again… questionable color. Anyways, the three girls each sat on one of the two couches. Time to plot!

They brainstormed ideas like: "Why not just drug them and carry them off somewhere nice and wet," Hawkeye's idea to kill the Colonel's ego. However, since it only affected the Flame Alchemist, it was quickly discarded. She just shrugged the idea's rejection off, going on about how it seemed like a decent idea.

Gracia's idea was to simply put them in their places by leaving them to fend for themselves in an area were they couldn't see or use their alchemy. Well, getting closer…

Another Hawkeye idea would be to try shooting at them. It usually worked, but at the same time, they didn't want to risk it. After all, she could be quite trigger happy when she wanted to be. Best to leave the guns at home.

"Well," Winry started, "since they'll try to rely on alchemy for nearly anything we throw their way, why not do something that alchemy can't reverse?"

"Well, what ideas do you have along that line?" Hawkeye asked.

"Hmm… is there anything that would creep them out medically?"

"Probably, but let's try something simpler."

"Any people they'd hate to be stuck with?"

Then it dawned on them. The one person who filled all of the guys with horror just to be around… _Armstrong! _They knew the instant they thought of the man, they'd found the perfect torture for those arrogant men! Medical and Armstrong… Armstrongitous! They would find some way to imitate that freakish Armstrong's strange sparklies. _That_ would put those men in their places!

Evil laughter flooded Riza's house. The idea would come to pass. Those boys better run for their lives now! The girls were out for revenge!

The next dawn, the girls set out for the guys' places. They had their imitation "Armstrong sparklies in a can" and were going to completely scare the pee out of each guy.

Winry took care of the Elric brothers. She ran on quiet feet to the military dorms. Once inside, she went for the brothers' room. Got it! She opened the door… _creeeak._ She paused, when neither brother was awakened by the creaky door, she continued in. She would do Alphonse's face first, because she knew that Ed wouldn't wake up… even if she stepped on his head, more than likely.

When Alphonse's head was completely covered in the "Armstrong sparklies in a can," she moved down the bunk to the lower sleeping area. Edward's section. She crouched down and dumped the "Armstrong sparklies" on Edward's head. He he he! They were going to wet themselves because of this one!

* * *

Riza would take care of Havoc and Roy. She first took care of Havoc. Her steps were strong and assured. Why shouldn't they be? Like Havoc would wake up when she shot his door's lock off? Not likely.

When she made it up to his front door, she shot the lock and entered. Easy enough. Carrying her "Armstrong sparklies in a can," she made her way to Havoc's room. He was snoring and drooling… charming. She dumped the sparklies on his entire head and face, gaping mouth included, and left for justice on Roy.

At Roy's place, she just opened the door and waltzed right on in. Maybe he should reconsider who he gave his house keys to? Nah. Not like he'd know that she did this anyways. Well, time to get to work. Walking stealthily to her commanding officer's bedroom, she was sure not to make a sound. That would just ruin the mood.

In Roy's bedroom, she saw that Roy actually slept with a worn down teddy bear. Heh… total blackmail was on her mind… and an evil grin on her face as she walked soundlessly to the head of his bed. Time to do some more dirty work! For Roy, she took off the sparklies lid and dumped _all_ of the sparklies on his head. Nice and Armstrong-y. Time to go.

* * *

Gracia had pretended to go to sleep that night. She waited until Maes was fully asleep. Good. She crept to the spot where she hid the sparklies and headed back towards Hughes. _Sorry honey, but you _need _to learn to _not_ ignore your wife._ And with that thought, she dumped the sparklies on Hughes's head.

Tomorrow was going to be great!

* * *

The fated day came. When the guys met up at headquarters, they at first noticed nothing. Then: "Why the hell are you trying to look like Armstrong?!?"

"What do you mean? Wait a minute! _You_ look like Armstrong! Not me!"

"Oh crap! We _all _caught the…. Armstrong sparklies!"

"We're gonna die!"

"Aaaaaaaaaaah!"

Watching from where they were, the girls started snickering to themselves. Oh, today was gonna be a good day!

* * *

_**Please review. Your reviews make me motivated to write. If you want more insanity... please review.**_

**_That goes for Shadows of Amestris as well._**


	2. The Evil Plot Revealed

**Ah... welcome to chapter 2 of my insane little idea! Thanks to my two lovely reviewers (lalalatala and Sonar) for their support on chapter 1! If I could, I would hug you two... but don't worry... I won't! XD**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Aaaaaaaaah! We're turning into Armstrongs! What do we do?! What do we do?!" Edward shouted, terrified for his life.

"B-brother! M-maybe we should call the military!"

"Y-you dunce! We are the military!"

"H-Hughes! What the hell happened to us?!" Roy stuttered, obviously terrified of becoming an Armstrong.

Looking around rapidly, Hughes looked back at Roy and said, "I-I don't know everything! Gaaah! How could I ever become an Armstrong?! I'm not even around the guy that much! M-maybe I caught it from one of you guys! I-if that's the case, then Havoc, you're paying for my hospital bill!"

"Whoa. H-hey! Wh-what did I ever do to you?!"

Pointing an accussing finger, Hughes shouted, "yesterday we were together on a project! I probably caught it from you!"

Shaking his head vigorously, Havoc exclaimed, "you suck! I only worked with you because I_had_ to!"

After much screaming, the \i actual \i0 Armstrong showed up.

"Well, well!" Armstrong commented, "You all look especially excellent today!" The feared sparklies appeared and his shirt disentigrated. Oh God, spare their poor sinful souls! They were turning intothat!

_That's it,_ Edward thought, _Maybe I should've just converted to Letoism when I had the chance! Oh man! If there is a god up there, HELP MEEEE! Spare my poor, atheist soul! I don't wanna turn into **that!**_

_Oh crap_! Mustang thought, _I'm turning into **that?! **Where did I go wrong! Why do I deserve this?! _Even though he could probably think of several reasons...

_Gack! If I look like Armstrong, what will happen to Gracia and Elysia?! _Unfortunately, Hughes had a very keen imagination, so he saw a very disturbing sight in his mind's eye... EWWWW!

Havoc fainted. So did Alphonse. Those two just had \i no\i0 stomache for what was happening to them. So, in a panic, they ran into each other and passed out on the floor.

As soon as Alphonse passed out, Edward shot out to help his baby brother up. Hughes went after him as well. Roy stayed shell-shocked by Armstrong's sudden appearance. His hair was literally spiking upwards, like if he were hit by electricity. Armstrong gave a mighty leap and landed near the two unconcious guys.

The building shook for a good five seconds. As Havoc slowly woke up, a ceiling tile crashed down on his head. He was put back into his little dreamland, hopefully far away from Armstrong and the fact that _he_ was becoming a miniture Armstrong. No such luck.

* * *

_Somewhere in Havoc's little imagination land..._

_"Where the hell am I?"_

_A dwarf ran up to greet him. "Why, you're in Armstrongium... you know? The old Amestris. Remember... the Armstrong family apparently had a 'sparklies' disease that turned everyone here into copies of them..."_

_As Havoc watched, the dwarf that somewhat resembled Edward turned into a muscular midgit with a nearly bald head. He had the Armstrong hair-twirly-thing as his only hair. He had the "sparklies" disease, too. "Just a minute. Let me change into something more comfortable..." and with that, the dwarf's shirt disentigrated._

_"AAAAAAHHHHHH! Get the hell away from meeeeeeeee!" Havoc screamed as he fled at what seemed to be ninety miles an hour down the beautiful, "sparklie" forest. Past the "sparklie" grasses, and rocks, and into a "sparklie" cave for a rest. Then, out of nowhere, a huge "sparklie" rock hit the poor man's already pounding head... waking him up out of fear._

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Get the hell away from meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Havoc yelled and shortly after, woke up. Armstrong knelt down next the poor man. Havoc was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane.

"Lieutenant Havoc! Are you alright?" After getting no response whatsoever from Havoc, Armstrong picked him up in a muscly, bone crushing hug. "Oh, you must be so startled by that horrible nightmare! So be it! You shall be healed by the Armstrong family's perfectly sculpted muscles!"(1)

* * *

After sorting that deal out, Armstrong left. The girls were cracking up laughing in another room. Why wouldn't they be? They _saw_ the _enitire_ thing! Ah, this was such a sweet revenge!

When the day had gone by and the guys ran for the cover of their own home areas, the girls got back together again. At Riza's place again.

"Well, I think they're finally starting to know their places, now aren't they?" Winry brought up.

"True, but I still think we should continue their suffering." Riza went on.

"Well, maybe we should allow Maes off the hook." Gracia said, "after all, he seems to have learned his lesson already. For some reason," she said, already knowing why, "he believes that he gave some kind of 'sparklie' disease to me and Elysia. He wasn't ever _too_ bad about his ignoring me... I vote we take him off the register."

"I agree," Winry voiced.

"Fine," Riza said, "then you can use the 'Sparklies Begone!' on him tonight. Just don't tell him about this."

"I don't know, Miss Riza, it'd be fun to have the guys turn against each other." Winry added with an evil smile.

Laughing, they ended the get together for the night. They'd meet up again tomarrow, same place, same time. Possibly, with Maes involved in their little conspiracy as well. Bwahaha!

* * *

Later on, at the Hughes's house, Maes was asleep. Gracia walked over to his side of the bed with the "Sparklies Begone!" She carefully sprinkled it on his head... and _presto!_ those ungodly "sparklies" were gone! She woke him up.

"Huh... Gracia...? Aaaah! Don't touch me! I might give it to you!" Gracia started chuckling. "Wh-why are you laughing?"

"There _never_ was a 'sparklie' disease! It was just to teach you men a lesson." She cracked up laughing.

It took nearly a full minute, but the point finally hit the poor man. He'd been tricked by his own wife! Oh, that was just _terrible_!

"Wh-why?"

"To get you to notice me. You've been so caught up in your work that you've been ignoring your family."

"I-I see. You-you could have just told me..."

"Didn't think you'd pay any attention."

"Oh, right."

"Well, now that you're 'cured,' want to join forces with us girls? Since we can't be everywhere, you could be our eyes to ensure that none of the rest of the guys are overly tortured."

There was a long pause... he hugged her. "Sure! I'd _love_ to see their faces! Wonder who'll take the longest to change?"

"We can only wait and see!"

* * *

**(1)ATTENTION! FOR ALL THE SICKOS OUT THERE WHO THINK I'D TRULY TORTURE HAVOC BY HAVING HIM HAVE A YOAI RELATIONSHIP WITH ARMSTRONG...THINK AGAIN. I MEANT ARMSTRONG'S ARMS AND UPPER BODY. NOTHING MORE! I'M NOT THAT EVIL. THIS IS NOT YOAI IN ANY WAY! DEAL WITH IT!**

**Well, besides that bit of... disturbingness, how was it? I'd love to know. So, press that nice little review button and let me know!**

**By the way... how did you enjoy Edward being a dwarf in Havoc's dream?**

**Now, for the usual... review and I'll add another chappy! Don't... and nothing happens besides me being sad and unsure of my writing...**

**Lastly, please also visit Shadows of Amestris as well. I'd like to continue that one sometime this year! Please review!**


	3. The Evil Plot Store of Evilness

**Well, do to popular demand, I'm back! Thanks to my great reviewers! You rock! Also, thanks to the person/people who visited Shadows of Amestris. Anyways, this is gonna be great! If it's not, then I'm sorry. Let the insanity, driven by pie, BEGIN!**

* * *

The next dawn...

Before it was even time for the rest to awaken, Hughes, Gracia, Winry, and Riza met up in Riza's little fortress of a house. Gracia and Hughes sat on one couch, while Winry sat on a nearby chair, and Riza sat on a different couch. On a nearby table is a can of "Sparklies Begone." It was the magic elixir of goodness in this little prank.

They had all gathered to discuss what would happen next. They needed some new trick to further mess with those rotten men! Except Maes Hughes was now happily removed from that list. However, those left to torture were: the blonde, short tempered alchemist, Edward; the dark haired, dark eyed Flame Alchemist, Roy; the hopeless case with gaining a girlfriend, Havoc; and lastly, younger of the two brothers, Alphonse. Who would be released from the "Armstronization" today? Only time would tell...

"So, what's it gonna be today?" Winry asked.

"Not sure..." was Riza's reply.

"Maes... any ideas?" Gracia asked.

After a short reflection, Hughes replied, "while I don't even want to think of how we'd pull it off on such short notice, they'd probably spazz out seriously if their shirts started disintegrating... you know, like Armstrong's always does."

The three girls instantly looked at each other, then at Hughes in surprise. It was so... well, crazy perfect!

Noticing the gleams in the girls' eyes, Hughes knew he'd hit a great idea. Unfortunately, logic kicked in for him. "Um... hate to mess with the idea, but what could we possibly use to get their shirts to disintegrate when we want them to?"

Apparently, logic hurts. Too bad they didn't have any "Perfectly Normal Shirt Disintegrater" of course, they'd try to aim for the controlled disintegration kind anyways. "Hey, wait, don't they sell that in the Evil Plot Store of Evilness?"

When Riza mentioned the Evil Plot Store of Evilness, the lights went on all around... literally! Riza's dog, Black Hayate, had somehow managed to turn on the living room's lights, using his leash. Smart dog.

* * *

They went to the Evil Plot Store of Evilness. Though, knowing the evil hours the Evil Plot Store of Evilness made were completely random, they weren't expecting too horribly much. So, finding the store open came as a huge shock. Wow, a non-twenty-four-hour store open at dawn. Dang! They _were_ evil!

As soon as they entered, a guy dressed up as a werewolf (or at least they hoped he was dressed up) came up to them. A guy dressed as a vampire came next. "How may we help in your evil endeavors today? Ah, Miss Riza, sorry, but your evil potion to transform people into dogs hasn't arrived yet. It may still be a few days."

"Don't worry," Riza said, "I'm here for something else today anyways."

"Ah, then do you know what you'd like in advance?"

No surprise here, "actually, I do." Very surprisingly, "I'll have to browse some other time."

"Okay, then, what would you like?"

Winrycut in, "we're here for the 'Perfectly Normal Shirt Disintegrater.' Preferably the kind that's controlled so we can trigger it at any time."

"Oh, that stuff. You're in luck, it's on sale. It is currently free with the purchase of one dog biscuit."

"That doesn't sound so evil to me." Winry put in.

Laughing, the wolf went, "never said it was evil towards you. The guy that sells it gets the icky part... having to pay!"

"But you said it was free..." Gracia went.

"Free to you... not us. I feel sorry that my dear vampire friend doesn't know much about the store yet, so he's got to pay up."

"Yeah... wait. WHAT?!" The vampire shouted. "That crap's expensive!"

"Ah, tough! You gotta do it anyways. Show some evil hospitality for once!"

"I hate you..." he said to the wolf. To everyone else, with a sigh: "come on, I'll get the stuff and meet you at the counter."

* * *

So, like the first time, they split up to get to all the remaining guys' bed area's before they woke up. Hughes and Gracia went to Havoc's. Winry went back to Edward and Alphonse's dorm room. Riza took care of Mustang's place.

The Hughes's noticed the lock on the front door was... well, not there. It surprised them for a very short while, but only because they needed time to remember that Riza had done all this to Havoc last night. The poor guy kept on getting punishment after punishment due to this. Hopefully, he wouldn't suffer much longer.

Oh well, it can't be helped! Time for them to get to work! They took their amount of "Perfectly Normal Shirt Disintegrater" and crept into Havoc's room. They found his shirt drawer and carefully sprayed the "Perfectly Normal Shirt Disintegrater" onto all of his shirts, closed the drawer, and left. Good luck Havoc! You're gonna need it!

* * *

Winrywent slowly into the boys' dorm room. She had her "Perfectly Normal Shirt Disintegrater" spray at hand. This was gonna be good! She moved noiselessly into the closer area of the room. She approached the area where Edward generally just threw his clothes to wear for tomorrow. This time, however, when she was moving towards Alphonse's shirts, she slipped and fell, hard.

_Owie,_Winry thought. Then, the worst happened, Alphonse woke up. He moved to where Winry was flat on her butt. Not good!

"Winry," he whispered, "are you okay? Wait, how come you're here now? It's barely past dawn."

When he held out his hand for Winry to grab to pick her up, he noticed something. The spray bottle in her hand. She was discovered.

"Winry, it was you who did this to Brother and me, right?" He didn't seem angry. He seemed more disappointed and possibly sorrowful. "Why?"

"Al... the only reason I did this to you and Ed is because you two have been ignoring me. That, or just treating me like I was nothing important. I'm sorry."

"This was all for a lesson, right?" Alphonse asked.

"Yeah," she truthfully answered. Then, an idea came to her. She really didn't like the sad look on Al's face. "Al... do you want to join our side? I'd get rid of those annoying sparklies that are on you, too. That, and no more pranks on you, either."

The sparklies somewhat showed, even in the very little light. "And go against Brother? No, I can't!"

"Are you sure? I mean, with your help, we could probably pull Ed from this fairly quickly anyways."

"Truly?"

"Yep!"

"Then, alright."

Without another word, Winry pulled out her "Sparklies Begone" and used it on Alphonse. The cursed sparklies disappeared.

"They're gone?"

"Yep."

"Uh... you didn't get any of that spray on my clothes, did you?"

"Don't worry, you woke up before I could. By the way, what _did_ I slip on?" She asked looking for what she had slipped on.

"Uh... I'll tell you later, Winry. You don't want to wake up Brother do you?"

"No, fine, just please tell me later. Okay?"

"Will do." Al said with a smile.

Winry left, and Al slid back into bed. _Poor Winry. She just had to slip on Brother's boxers, didn't she?_ With that hilarious thought, he went back to bed for the time being.

* * *

**Alrighty! How'd you like it? Please let me know! Also, I'm gonna make a poll on my profile so that you guys can help me decide who gets off the hook next! Thanks for putting up with my sporadic schedule! I really appreciate it!_ POLL ENDS MARCH 26, 2010! In other words, TODAY!_**


	4. Prank gone Wrong

_**Well, this didn't turn out like I'd thought... **_

**_Thanks to everyone out there who's keeping up with this._**

**_Lastly, sorry for the delay. I felt horrible last night, so I had to finish up today. Sorry._**

* * *

Still that very same dawn...

Riza pretty much waltzed right into Roy's house... again. The man seriously trusted her too much. But, then again, it just wouldn't be as fun to cause him terror if it were as easy as just shooting the lock off the door and then doing whatever prank she wanted. This was probably the best way to get the job done anyways. People might just get the tiniest bit concerned if a random gun woman came up to someone's house and killed the lock, then kicked in the door.

Oh well, it couldn't be helped. She'd just have to settle for the usual kicking the door in (only slightly) and then walking up to his bedroom. So, that's just what she did.

The door swung in quickly, hitting the wall it was attached to. There was a loud _crash_, that, surprisingly, no one seemed to care about on the outside world. Apparently, it wasn't nearly as loud as she first thought.

She walked in with her can of "Perfectly Normal Shirt Disintegrater" and an evil smile. Next, she walked through his place until she made it to his bedroom. She walked up to his drawer and noticed a teddy bear bank on it. _Cute, yet disturbing at the same time,_thought Riza.

So, she did what any other person in her position would do: steal a "couple" bucks from his teddy bear bank. _Why not? It's not like I'm doing anything wrong. He owes me a lot of money in lost bets anyways. This is just collecting my reward money._

Next, she went after his shirt drawer. Bingo! She slowly opened it, but only because she had no idea if it would squeak open or not. Boy, did it ever squeak! _Squeeeeeeeaaaaak!_

She quickly checked to ensure that Mustang would stay asleep. He rolled over in his sleep and started to snore loudly. Not cool, boo-boo! Anyways, she finished spraying his shirts and then left. He'd notice her little gift later on in the day anyways.

* * *

Now, sometime later in the day...

The guys were out in Central Headquarters again, on duty. So were the girls, and Hughes. Except, they were there to get another hilarious day, since Hughes and Riza took a vacation day that day. Things were gonna get interesting!

The guys, including Alphonse, met up near Mustang's office. Al was only there because he hadn't been added to the girls' side by everyone else yet. Only Winry knew that he wouldn't be affected by this prank. However, Al still hadn't told her what she'd slipped on when she was targeting the two brothers. Aw well, she'd ask later.

Three... two... one... NOW! Riza pressed the button and the guys' shirts (minus Al's, of course) disintegrated! Funny, Roy had his arms up at the time. Edward had just been ready to punch Roy's smirk off, and Havoc had been trying to woo some office girl. They just could not win, could they? Oh well, made it all the more hilarious when their shirts disintegrated!

Three... two... "Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!" Huh, who knew they'd react this quickly?

This was just too great! Not only were the guys "sparklie" to begin with, but now they had no shirts to throw into the mix as well! Oh, the only hard thing about this prank was just the part where they couldn't laugh too loudly about it! However, muffled spasms of laughter floated about.

"Bahahahaha!" "Wahahaha!" "Gahahahaha!" "Heeheeheehee!" "Ahahahahaha!"

Edward was running back and forth in a frightened manner. It sounded like he was screaming something to the extent of "I'm gonna die! AAAAAAHHHHH! Oh dear God, wherever you are, HELP MEEEE!"

Well, that's interesting. Apparently for Edward, it was easier to convert to religion than to apologize to Winry for what he'd done. Ha! This was great! Next time, he'd think twice about destroying her precious automail, then returning _only_ for that!

Mustang was looking around quickly from wall to window to door. Riza thought he was looking for some method of either suicide or escape. Survey says, not a very likely chance of either, because Havoc and one of the office girls were sitting in front of the door. Wow! She really was okay with the "sparklies" and no shirt? Dang! Who was _she _related to? Oh, one guess....

As if on cue, Armstrong came in. The doors burst open and Havoc and Catherine Armstrong moved slightly, in order to avoid the doors, which were shooting in the room. They flew straight for poor Edward. Unfortunately, since the doors were moving so quickly, there was no time for Edward to get out of the way. He was hit extremely hard. He passed out.

Alphonse ran straight for him once the doors were out of the way. "Brother! Are you okay? Brother...? Brother!" Ed wasn't waking up anytime soon....

* * *

Among the girls and Hughes, everyone was in a panic. They had only meant for the guys to be punished in a way they'd later laugh about. Not by doors moving around a hundred miles an hour! This was _**so**_ not cool! Curse that Armstrong!

Winry was ready to blow her position as long as she could make sure Ed was okay. When she was about to the door, Riza stopped her. "Sorry Winry, I didn't mean for things to come to this. But we can't let the guys know about our involvement. It would ruin everything."

"But, Miss Riza, Ed's really hurt! I've gotta end this now! I've at least gotta show _my _involvement in order to help Ed! You _know_he's like an older brother to me! I'd never want him hurt like this!" With that, Winry pulled away and ran into the next room.

Gracia and Hughes looked worried. Riza, herself, was unsure of what to do. Hughes walked to the other room alone. He _was_ a decoy man anyways, so not that much harm would come out of this. Very few would suspect a thing, seeing as how he swung by on his vacation days anyways.

Winry had bee right, though. Armstrong was a really great ally in this game, but now it would be better to keep him away. They didn't need any more guys getting seriously injured due to flying doors. Hopefully Edward would be okay in the morning.

* * *

The guys had dropped everything for the moment. Mustang, Havoc, Catherine, and Armstrong joined Alphonse at Edward's fallen form. He wasn't waking up. Things were _not_looking good. They were all worried. Then, Winry ran in. Hughes followed.

"W-Winry! Y-you said Brother wouldn't get h-hurt! You... you lied!" Alphonse screamed.

"Armstrong!" Roy said, finally getting his voice back, "What the hell did you think you were doing? You don't just fling doors at fifteen year-olds! They don't pay enough attention to get out of the way! You could have seriously hurt him! What do you have to say for yourself?"

_Wow, _Winry thought, _maybe we were wrong the entire time... maybe they just aren't good at showing affection outside of a crisis... we were seriously wrong... oh Edward. I hope you'll be okay..._

"Sorry Colonel Mustang sir. I didn't know my own strength. I'll take Edward to the hospital if you want me to." Holy! No sparklies.

"Don't bother. You've done enough." With that, Roy picked up the fallen teen and the rest of the guys, including Hughes, and Winry walked with him to the military hospital.

* * *

Later that night....

At Riza's house, an argument was flaring up. Winry and Riza were fighting over what happened during the day. Riza was for continuing on like they had. Winry was against it fully. The group was going to splinter, that much they all were sure of.

"I quit!" Winry shouted and ran off.

"Fine, I can easily find some other person to fill your place!"

"Then go ahead!" Winry said as she slammed the door.

* * *

_**Things certainly got away from me there. By the way, I consider letting Havoc get into a good relationship with Catherine allowing him to get off the hook, okay. I know it's not clearly written, so I'm sorry about that.**_

**_Also, sorry that it got more, um... serious all the sudden. However, this will work for the next chapter._**

**_This is only to continue the story a bit longer, because if it all ended as quickly as it was going, then this randomness would end quickly._**

**_Again, sorry for the sudden change in direction._**


	5. Happy Easter Edward!

_**Yo, Peepz! I'm back! There's a new poll on my profile, check it out if you want to help me out on the next chapters.**_

**_Thanks for the 10 reviews, 3 author alerts, and 3 favorites so far. I'm happy to have the support._**

**_Please enjoy this Easter Crazyness!_**

* * *

It had been about an hour since the accident. The group hadn't been allowed inside of Edward's room yet. The doctor came out, holding on to his clipboard. Muffled "mmhmms" could be heard by all that bothered to come along to the hospital. The doc approached Mustang.

"Ah, Mr. Mustang, how are you?" Small talk, crap, that could only mean something bad was about to happen.

A bit on the pissed side, Mustang answered, "Pissed. How is he?"

The doc chuckled at Roy's response, then answered with a question, "so, how exactly did he get knocked out like that?"

Roy bit his lip. How exactly could he answer that without drawing extreme laughter from doctor. It wasn't like he could just go, "well, you see, doc, the kid was racing around in a terrified state when all of the sudden, my office doors flung out at him going somewhere around a hundred miles an hour." Yeah, that would be a laugh.

Before Roy could think up some lie to keep the doc unsuspecting, Armstrong, who had come on the march for Edward, burst into emotion. Streams of tears burst from his eyes. "Oh, Mr. Doctor, sir, I fear it was all my fault for this! When I came to visit this morning, I didn't know my own strength..." he started to sob, mighty fists of water pounding down from his eyes. "The doors accidentally flung in way too far and... and... and..." he grabbed the doctor in a crushing bear hug.

The poor doctor would probably soon need a doctor himself. Or at least, a mental health check. Or both. Yeah, he'd probably need both.

Hughes ended Armstrong's emotional breakdown speech by giving the final words of explanation. "The kid ended up getting hit by the doors when they broke off their hinges and whacked him before he could notice. Now, Armstrong, don't kill the doctor..."

Wow, Armstrong acting like a three-year-old over what had happened to poor Edward. It had to be the seventy-seventh wonder of the world.(1) Heh, the poor doctor. Now he was both soaked and crushed at the same time. And those tears were seriously punching him in their fist-like shapes. Owie.

So, after literally taking a crowbar to Armstrong to separate him from the doctor, who disapproved of the method, they continued their little chat.

"So, the child, the _Fullmetal Alchemist,_ as you say, was knocked unconscious by a flying pair of doors?"

Looking embarrassed, Mustang nodded.

The doctor chuckled. That was good, right, _right?_"Ze child vill be fine, given a vit of rest. How do you like my accent?"

The group looked nervously at each other. What the hell? A doctor trying to break the tension with _accents_? Again, what the hell?

Armstrong, who had been bawling like a three-year-old, was now the epitome of joyfulness in the universe. "Oh, kind doctor, how you have made my day shine!" Holy! Where the heck did those sparklies come from? And how long had they been shining _this_ sun-like?

The others relaxed. Winry, Hughes, and Alphonse especially. Winry and Hughes, because, well, they _planned_ the scenario. Alphonse, because he _knew_ about the scenario. They let out a sigh of relief.

"However," the doc continued, "he probably shouldn't have very many assignments assigned to him for at least a week. It will likely take that long for his head to fully recover. So, no stress, please."

"Yessir." Mustang said in a more controlled tone.

After negotiating, they decided it would be best for Edward to stay with Alphonse back in their dorm room. There were a few medications, but they were only minor. Just precautionary.

The entire time, Winry said nothing. Regret filled her. However, the promise of Ed's recovery was definitely a cheerer-upper. She followed Alphonse home. However, before they left the hospital with their unconscious burden, Winry finally spoke up.

"Um... everyone."

Alphonse glared. Hughes stared. The others looked a bit mentally impaired.(2) Not really. They actually looked wondering. Except Roy, who seemed to read her mind. Scary thought, there.

"Uh... I have a confession."

"Well, what is it?" Armstrong asked. Wow, how _oblivious_ could that man _possibly_ be?

"Red is green and blue is hot and choo-choo." Edward said randomly having woken up. Possibly delirious.

"E-Ed?" Alphonse went. Checking to ensure his brother was okay. He was, just, well, mixed up.

The nurse walked up towards them. "Hey, he forgot to tell you guys. Your kiddo _is_ fine, just mixed up for the present. That _should_ wear off in a couple of hours. Likely the medication we used earlier. Don't worry, he'll be fine." She smiled and walked off. To Armstrong, she said, "From what I've heard,_ you_, my friend, might need therapy."

Armstrong blushed. The sparklies seemed to blush as well. Ew. They _didn't_need to see sparklies... blush? Anyways, besides being scarred for life (except for lucky Edward), the group kind of chuckled so loudly that it _almost_ seemed like they were howling with laughter. _Almost._

"Uh... anyways... I wanted to tell you guys that-"

"Choo-choo, poo-poo, roo-roo, zoo-zoo, achoo!" Ed sneezed the last part of his medicated ramble. Hard to believe he actually was supposed to be a prodigy.

After the ramble, Winry continued. "I-I, and-and a few others... w-were planning these pranks on you guys..."

Armstrong went off in a one-eighty rage. "How dare you all plan our manly downfall! My muscles will make you regret your vile actions! Who else was involved?"

"Yo, Armstrong." Hughes sighed. "We were working _together_in this prank, remember? You were only supposed to scare the rest of the guys with your presence. Then, Riza, Gracia, Winry, and I were supposed to do the dirty work. Don't know how Al got off the hook."

Armstrong looked totally shocked. "_I_ was in such a sinister group as _that_? Oh pity be! How will I ever clear my name of mud? _How_ could my beautifully crafted muscles be part of such a horrible thing!?"

Looking annoyed, Hughes went on, "We set up cures for each curse we set up. That way we could at least help those that learned the lesson they were supposed to get anyways would be freed and given the option to help out."

"I don't really see why we should prolong their curses, now that they know."

"Yeah, might as well end this insanity now." Hughes said as both he and Winry pulled out the "Sparklies Begone" and the "Perfectly Normal Shirt Un-Disintegrater" sprays and used them on the group before a single protest could be made.

The shirts regrew.(3) The sparklies went out of existance. Ed sneezed, comically.

"Azu, paplu, canoe, fuchoo." Ed rambled. That drew everyone's attention. Wow, even in that mentally impaired state of mind, he was still ready to at least attempt to curse. That took skills.

They all looked slightly upset, but the damage was gone and Edward was okay, so, it just seemed wrong to be horribly upset. Anyways, it was hard to be upset when Ed kept rambling on about only God knows what.

The only thing left to do, was order Armstrong's one-eighty medication and take Edward back to his dorm room so that he could sleep off his medications.

* * *

Only Roy, Alphonse, Winry, and Edward were left when they approached the dorms. They went silently, except for Ed, to the boys' room. When they put Edward in his section of the bunk, Roy told him sternly, "now, Edward, go to bed. You need to sleep."

Still somewhat delirious, Edward rambled. "The evil white bunny of chocolate fuzz will come. I gotta wait up for him to bring me my Peepz.(4) I can't sleep until that bunny pays me my fair. I drove him all around Candyland.(5) He owes me my Peepz and chocolate!"

Alphonse sighed. "Ed, I know, it's Easter. If you go to sleep, we'll find that bunny for you, okay? We'll get the chocolate and Peepz he owes you, okay?"

Seeming to mull this over for a bit, the dazed and confuddled Edward went, "okay, but he better pay me before I wake up! Night."

"Well," Roy mused, "I didn't know Ed was _this_ messed up due to the medication."

"Actually," Winry went, "he's kinda like this on most Easters. For some reason he always thinks that he had to drive the Easter Bunny all over the place in Candyland. Don't know why."

"Well, we might as well pick up Brother's chocolate and Peepz. One time we forgot and he started running all over town looking for that 'damn trickster bunny.' He almost pounded the guy dressed as the Easter Bunny to death last time."

"Fine," Mustang said as they left the dorm room.

"Hope you feel better soon, Edward." Winry said as they left.

* * *

_**Wow, this was kinda crazy. Ed hunting the Easter Bunny for missing candy? Wow. Just for a bit of explanation for the numbered things:**_

**_1) Everyone knows there deserves to be much more than the single digited wonders of the world. In this case, for me, 77._**

**_2) I HAD to make that rhyme. It was just TOO much fun._**

**_3) Don't ask. I don't know. If you want to give me a theory, then please do. 'Cause I don't know._**

**_4) Happy Easter to me! Man, I LOVE Peepz!_**

**_5) That freeloader Easter Bunny! How dare he make Ed his Candyland taxi driver every year. Even more, he doesn't pay the poor kid. Man, he deserves to be punched because of that!_**

**_Anyways, please review! Reminder: check out the poll on my profile if you want to help me with the next few chapters._**


	6. Ed's Dream of Candyland

_**Yo, I'm back!**_

**_This chapter's pretty much filler. Flames/Reviews welcomed._**

**_Poll on my profile. If you want your ideas expressed on my story, go there and vote. Enjoy._**

* * *

Ed was once again somewhere in Candyland. This was always what happened during Easter. He was somewhere near the start of the Candyland territory. He was a taxi driver who transported anyone and anything to the Candy Castle. His candy car was made of candy canes. The wheels were made of mint chocolates.

The day so far was uneventful. The sweet scents of the world of candy around him lightened his mood. The golden sun shone brilliantly. The first passenger of the day was approaching. Oh crap, it was that stupid bunny again.

"Howdy friend," the bunny started, "how'd you like to take this here bunny to the Candy Castle? I can pay."

"Oh, really? Considering that you've never paid me on time so far, I don't think you deserve a ride. Go start at the drawing board like you're supposed to. Or will you pay in advance today?"

"Heck no! Look kid, I'm the _Easter Bunny_, why the heck should I have to pay in advance or walk the _entire_board like everyone else? I'm specialer than them!"

_Not to mention, __**way**__ more modest,_ Ed thought vengefully. "Then get some _other_ taxi driver to get you from here to there!"

Sighing, the Bunny went, "fine, I'll pay you this time. I'll let you in the party at Candy Castle. Okay?"

Frowning, Ed nodded and moved to his candy cane car. It started automatically after he said "wikety flipperopterus and goop!". The Bunny came in the back door and sat.

The candy cane car started moving.

* * *

After driving with the Bunny for a relatively short time, Ed was ready to throw that stupid rabbit out of the cab and run him over until the gumdrops came out. Then, before he did, they passed the sign saying "Gingerbread Plumb Trees". Etched on the bottom of the sign, was the annotation, home of the possibly gay plumba troll.

The trees all had these gingerbread man-looking faces. It was really creepy. They watched the cab's every move. Did I mention that it was creepy? Even the annoying bunny was trying to get out of the trees' sight. All to no avail.

Ed and the Bunny thought they had it so tough... until they saw the trail of plumbs.

"Oh, hell no!" Ed shouted. "I am _not_ driving any farther until that thing leaves!"

"I agree completely!" The Bunny said, grabbing Ed's arm and staring him directly in the eyes.

Utterly creeped out even more than he was with the trees and the possibly gay plumba troll prowling around nearby, Ed floored it.

The cab zoomed by. There was something eating plumbs on the road a little while later. It was green. The cab rammed it and sent it flying. Ed didn't stop. He was still chilled by the Bunny's slight gay moment back in the earlier treed area. He was so petrified, that he didn't even notice the gooey gumdrop area until he felt a huge whiplash. The cab had stopped abruptly.

At least it snapped him out of his fright. "What did I hit?"

Giving Ed a total Mustang-Esq smirk, the Bunny said in a Mustang-Esq smart alacked way, "you mean, besides Plumpy and his plumb pie?"

"What the heck are you talking about?"

"You hit Plumpy after I scared you."

"You were_ hitting_ on me!!!"

"I was motivating you! Brat!"

"Grrrrr! _Fine!_What the hell did I hit this time?!" Ed said, slamming his hands down on the dashboard, his automail arm breaking the candy canes in a bit. The minty smell came up.

"Well, judging by where we are, a gooey gumdrop area. You know, you were a better driver last year."

Fuming as he pushed the cab out of the goo, Ed accidentally slipped after the cab was freed and fell into the goo. The Bunny, that was acting much like the much hated Colonel Mustang, started laughing. "Nice one, kiddo!"

_Don't kill the Bunny! Don't kill the Bunny! Don't kill the Bunny! He still owes you candy. He still owes you candy. He still owes you candy. Don't kill him and you'll finally get paid._ Ed calmed down a tad. Not much, but with his usual temper, less is a huge amount.

He pulled himself out, walked over to the river, and quickly scrubbed the filth off his clothes. Back to the cab. And that jerk of a Bunny. They drove onwards.

* * *

After what seemed to Ed, to be around five hours, which was really only about five minutes, maximum, they reached the sign announcing the Peppermint Forest. It also announced that was looking for a Miss Woman. He was tired of being single.

Halfway through the Peppermint Forest, they saw a small clearing. Smarties, egg candies, ice cream rocks with sprinkles, and peppermints of all kinds were decorating the area. In the distance, a white chocolate mountain and a blue river could be seen. Some bunnies of smaller scale than the Easter Bunny were flying. Their ears choppered around and made them fly. It was weird. But cool!

The host of the area appeared. He wore only pink and white. Gay. He had what looked like a negative muscle mass as well. Wimpy gay. His nose was a red ball. He looked like a wimpy, gay clown. No wonder he needed help finding a girlfriend. Oh, and let's not forget, he looked like a chain smoker, cigarrette in mouth. So, to recap, at least in Ed's mind, the guy was a idiotic, wimpy, gay clown. Wow!

Ed's cab needed chocolate, so he had no choice but to stop to refuel. Drat! He pulled over to ask where he could refuel. Mr. Man looked disappointed that both people in the cab were men. _Well, too bad for him!_ Ed thought. "Hey, do you know where I could fill up the tub?" He said, pointing at the section of the cab that kept the fuel.

"Yeah, you can bring that to my place. I can refuel for you."

"Okay, thanks." Ed said and drove slowly so that he wouldn't lose Mr. Man. Even though he really wanted to.

When at Mr. Man's place, they quickly and quietly fueled the cab. The Bunny started wandering around. He found some mysteriously mysterious musical... thing? It looked kind of like a pipe organ, but the pipes were candy canes. The keyboard was pinkish-white, and then, there was also a drum compartment. An accordion was also attached. And a... french horn? Then, there were also pictures on buttons that looked like animals.

What to do first? Obviously, try everything! So, the Bunny started messing with everything. He hit the drums and keyed the organ notes (badly). He also messed the accordian up by ripping it the wrong way. The horn kind of, well, "fell" off.

Mr. Man was so upset, that he literally kicked the Bunny into the cab and forced Ed in as well. He was ranting about how he was "_never_ gonna get a girl without his soflugalmentosaperoo!"

The duo were only happy to leave.

* * *

They drove past another gooey gumdrop area, however, this time Ed ramped over it at a mach-5 speed. He happened to continue so that he wouldn't have to meet Lord Licorice at Licorice castle. That guy, they both knew, was _way_too much like the Armstrong of Ed's world. Yeesh!

So, when they drove by at mach-5, Ed rammed Lord Licorice repeatedly with the cab and drove away as fast as he could. They passed through the gumdrop tunnel and continued on. They met Jolly and Ed decided to give him a lift to Candy Castle.

Ed was furious as heck when he learned he'd passed _two_ shortcuts by accident. They had to go the long way now. Just great!

While the Bunny was great at infuriating Ed on the long journey, Jolly was okay. He lifted Ed's bad mood a bit. He showed concern and offered to help out when he could. Good... whatever he was!

When they drove by the peanut brittle house, they picked up Grandma Nut as well. She seemed willing to help, but stubborn, like granny. Oh well, must just be his imagination. Peanut brittle was passed as a snack snake.

The Lollipop Woods passed by fairly quickly. Then again, its host was absent. _Good thing!_ Ed thought. _Drat! I wanted to drive this pipsqueak insane here._ The Bunny thought. _Oh well, no one will get hurt, and Ed might cheer up some!_ Jolly thought. _Man, am I glad that Princess Lolly isn't here. She'd likely just hit Ed with a lollipop like a madwoman._ The Grandma thought.

They stopped for a little fun time. They were at a small park. There were peppermint swings, lollipop and sucker trees, and a red duck gumdrop... swing... thing? A little ways away, was a rest area. It was complete with a gram cracker well, a chocolate bench, several columns of cookies, gumdrop and animal cracker animals,... and bubbles. A few balloons would float by every now and then. It was peaceful.

Ed and Jolly stayed on the swings. The Bunny strayed too close to the well and "fell" in it. Ed was snickering when it happened. "You brat! Get me _out of here_!!!" The Bunny screamed. Ed couldn't hear him. He was rolling over in the (likely) candy grass, howling with laughter.

Jolly and Grandma Nut were laughing as well. Jolly tried to help the Bunny up by throwing the bucket attached to a rope on the well in at him, but his aim was off due to his laughing. It hit the Bunny's head. That only made things worse for Ed. By this point, he was rolling, howling with laughter, and crying tears of joy at the Bunny's predicament. Jolly fell to the ground with laughter at this, and Grandma Nut was trying her best to control her laughter enough to help the indignant Bunny.

A long time passed and finally, the Bunny was freed. And fuming.

* * *

They figured they were going the right way when they passed the ice cream cone lighthouse and entered the Ice Cream Sea district. Rock candy stones started appearing. Toppings were running hither and thither and yon. (what!?) Huge ice cream towers came nearer and nearer as they passed through the district.

Ed did _not_ even slow down through the entire district. Not with that gun slinging Queen Frost around. Not even if there was a _chance _of her being around. He didn't want to get shot today. Not tomorrow, hopefully, not ever.

They were almost there! Just a cave and a swamp, and then they'd be there! And Ed could _finally_ditch that fricking Bunny! And party!

Only, they ran into a gooey gumdrop. Second one of the day. Crap! Ed and Jolly got out and pushed. "You know, Ed? It would be good if these people didn't drop these gooey gumdrops everywhere." What he was thinking was more along the lines of: _Why the heck did these yahoos have to mess up a perfectly good day!? We're gonna be late for the party! Stupid cab! Getting stuck like that was so lame!_

Eventually, they got un-stuck and made it through the Rock Candy Cave. The Bunny grabbed a treasure chest as they sped on. Rather than go through a molasses swamp, they completely avoided that route and went on an overpass that magically appeared. No Gloppy today, thank you very much!

The molasses waterfall and river were interesting, but definitely _not_ worth the chance of an encounter with Gloppy. That guy was _way_too proud of his daughter, little Glyssia. It was a mutual agreement to avoid that dreadful fate.

Finally, they made it to the Candy Castle! Everyone lined up and started singing Christmas Carols? When the moon was high, the party ended. Everyone had been there.

Plumpy, who had been hit, was trying to eat Ed's arm, the automail one. Mr. Man was trying to hit on Queen Frost, to no avail. She happened to have an extra gun loaded on her. Man, even at parties! Jolly and Ed were playing cards. Ed was cheating, hiding aces up his sleeves. The Bunny and Grandma Nut were talking about Ed's future as a personal taxi driver to the Bunny. It was decided that, for the sake of world peace, Ed would _not_be the Bunny's personal chauffeur.

The Lollipop Princess was running away from Lord Licorice yelling "he's a rapist! Shoot him! Shoot him!" At this, Ed became defensive and ditched the card game, aces in his sleeves falling out. Jolly shouted "you cheat! How could you Ed?!"

By the time Jolly caught up to Ed, Ed had already K.O.'d Lord Licorice and was talking to Princess Lollipop. She promptly grabbed the nearest lollipop tree and hit Ed with it when she heard he'd been cheating at cards.

* * *

At the end, King Candy asked the Bunny to come forward. The Bunny snapped his pawed fingers and a burst of flame came out towards Ed. THAT woke him up in the real world.

Al, Winry, and Roy had returned to the dorm room by then. They heard a loud, "_**FRICKING BUNNY!!! HE DIDN'T PAY ME... AGAIN!!! NEXT YEAR HIS BUTT IS MINE!!!!"**_

The sad thing was, they could imagine that.

* * *

_**I need 1 Review and 5 votes total on my poll in order for me to continue this story.**_

**_I hope you enjoyed my Candyland filler. Try to figure out who is who and tell me. I like to see how perceptive people are._**

**_The answers will be on my next chapter's a/n, so yeah. Have fun with that! XP_**


	7. Check check one two ten THOUSAND!

**Okay, here I am with the results of last chapter's character match-ups!**

**Edward=Edward (who would have ever guessed?)**

**Easter Bunny=Roy (I dropped nuke hints on this one)**

**Plumpy=Gluttony (I didn't give much time to describe him, so sorry Gluttony fans)**

**Mr. Man= Havoc (In case you didn't get the HUGE hints)**

**Lord Licorice= Armstrong (I think I used the name to describe him)**

**Jolly= Alphonse (yayz for all the Al fans!)**

**Grandma Nut= Pinako (don't ask why, but I did)**

**Princess Lollipop= Winry (happy happy joy joy joy!)**

**Queen Frost= Riza (She IS an ice queen you know)**

**Gloppy= Hughes (sorry for all the Hughes fans out there)**

**Glyssia= Elysia (I think I spelled that right)**

**King Candy= Furher King Bradley (Even though I didn't drop like, any hints about him)**

* * *

_**"FRICKING BUNNY!!! HE DIDN'T PAY ME... AGAIN!!! NEXT YEAR HIS BUTT IS MINE!!!!"**_ Ed screamed as he woke up.

Roy, Al, and Winry were sitting at the dorm's table. They were just getting Ed's candy set up like an Easter present. At least, Al and Winry were pretty sure Ed would blow up upon waking up. Roy, sadly, didn't know what he had coming.

"Welcome to the world of the living, Fullmet-- ack!" The 'ack' came after Ed nailed him with his right fist. Roy fell from his chair onto the floor of the room. As soon as Ed stood back up straight, Roy grabbed onto his fallen chair and pulled himself up. He replaced the chair. Then: "Why the hell did you punch me?"

"Because!" the enraged teen shouted, "_you're _the damn bunny!" And, to Ed, that much was true. "Do you even _know_ how much candy you owe me?" He shouted.

"Fullmetal..." Roy started, trying to regain his composure, and failing. "Do I _look_ like the Easter Bunny to you?"

"Yes." Which, in his dream, the Bunny _did_ look like Roy. Perfectly justified.(1)

"You see? Wait... _**what!?**_"

By this point, Al was laughing. Winry, who was shell-shocked earlier by Ed's condition, could barely hold back her laughter at this. (2)

Ed and Roy started bickering over "Easter Bunny this... and I'm not that... and all in all, it was a really hilarious argument.

"You are the Easter Bunny!"

"I am _not!_"

"Explain the ears!" Ed shouted, pointing at Roy's gag Easter Bunny ears. Roy just _had_ to try to test the fates, hadn't he?

"Those were just for fun!"

"What kind of fun?"

Roy groaned, he needed to end this war quickly. Otherwise, he might end up in serious pain. Or Ed would, again.

"Okay, okay! Fine! So I'm the Easter Bunny! How much could I _possibly_ owe you?" Roy said, trying for peace.

"Well, since I charge late fees," Ed started with an evil smirk on his face, "you owe me over ten thousand cens' worth." (3)

"That's completely outrageous!"

"Pay up Bunny!" Ed said in an almost sing-songy voice.

"Ugh. Can I pay you as I get my checks? You know, payments."

"NO WAY! You've duped me before using those tactics."

"Ugh," _what the heck did I get myself involved in? _"Fine then." And he wrote a check for the amount. The check was passed to Ed.

"Ha! Al, I told you I would win our bet!"

"What? Brother?" Al asked, completely confused.

"Remember, the bet we had a few months ago. That I'd never be able to get money off Mustang." Holding the check like a trophy, he continued, "I win!"

Roy was shocked. And he showed it. "Well, then, _GIVE ME MY CHECK BACK!"_

"Never!"

And so, the two started running all over the dorm room for possession of the check. Eventually, when Al and Winry teamed up with Roy, Ed was forced to give the check back.

* * *

Riza was all alone in her quest for male punishment. And traitor punishment. So, she had to arm herself with allies in order to continue her elaborate plots. She'd come up with a list of names, now she only needed to see if they'd agree and join her.

First one on her list was Sciezska. Riza went during the afternoon when she knew Sciezska was off duty, meaning, not working painstakingly for Hughes. She knocked on the door, but no one answered. So, being the all mighty person that she was, Riza opened the door and walked inside.

Sciezska apparently heard the door open and close, because as soon as it did, her voice was heard. "Hey. Hey, whoever you are. Help me..."

Riza ran out to where the voice originated. The room was an avalanche of books. _Typical Sciezska._ Riza thought.

After digging out Sciezska, Riza had to ask her all mighty question. "So, Sciezska, you're obviously tired."

"Yeah, Hughes has been keeping me on duty for longer hours than even _he_ bothers working."

"Want to get him to back off on the hours?"

"It'd be nice."

"Then, join me. I've been pranking the guys in order for them to notice their wrongs."

"Pranking them?"

"Yeah. So far, they've been learning."

"Then, count me in!"

Things went similarly with the others. Altogether, in the end, she had: herself, Sciezska, Izumi, Olivia Armstrong (English name), LanFan (English name), and Paninya.

* * *

A few hours had passed since Riza got to work in order to rebuild her troops. Now she was back and better than ever!

Their reasons were varied. However, only slightly.

Riza's was simple: she was upset at Roy. Sciezska just wanted a day off. Izumi just joined to cause pain. Olivia joined to punish her brother, for the most part. LanFan joined just because Ling was away for a while and she didn't want to bother herself with doing nothing. And Paninya, well, she just enjoyed messing with those smug men.

They were located at a local pub, since Riza didn't have enough room in her living room. Time to plot! (Later.)

* * *

_**Hope you enjoyed this really short chapter. The next one will contain the guys banding together to save mankind! Not really. Please review people! Oh! And for once, I got more reviews than I asked for. So, thanks AnimeCookie93, lalalatala, and Smogle!**_

_**1) I really couldn't help that! So, to visualize, just imagine a big bunny with the gloves and the face, distorted to fit a bunny .**_

_**2) This would look GREAT as a pic. But sadly, I broke my scanner...**_

_**3) I have NO IDEA of how much a cen is worth. So, I guessed. Sorry.**_


	8. The Beginning of Chaos!

_**Yo my homeeze! (In English: Yo! My friends!)**_

_**I'm glad to say... I'm through with fillers for now!**_

_**That means: THE PRANK WAR IS HERE!!!**_

_**Oh! And for those who care, I'm using the English translation names, not the actual Japanese names, okay? That's how I learned them, so that's what I'm going to use. Got a problem with it, PM me. Do NOT leave reviews like that.**_

_**Enjoy! **_

* * *

Back in the pub, the girls had literally, come up with several pranks to use on those troublesome men. They were planning to slowly torture the men and traitors with simplistic pranks first, then transition to the more hard-core pranks. Those pranks, would bring them to their knees!

"So," Olivia asked, "what's first?"

"I was thinking," Sciezska said, but was promptly interrupted by Paninya.

"_You_were thinking! Give the girl a cookie!"(1) Surprisingly, a man came forewards with a cookie in hand. He gave it to Sciezska, who quickly ate it with a happy grin on her face.

"Sorry about that. I was joking..." Paninya apologized.

"_Anyways_," Riza started, "I figure we might as well pull out our secret doggie weapon. And a present."

Izumi, who until then, had been silent (or possibly asleep), stated her approval. "Yeah, those idiot men would definitely fall for that."

"All agreed?"

There was a mesh of 'yes's and 'yup's and possibly one 'yep'. That was all the convincing Riza would need for now. Time to pull out the ace! Black Hayate!

The little dog had been listening in on the conversation. Well, if you consider occassionally lifting his head to look at his mistress as listening. When he saw all the girls looking at him, he figured he was meant to do something special.

Riza grabbed on to his leash and led the way to her home. Time to prepare!

They had split up to where half of them went shopping for their supplies. The rest were working on training Black Hayate to 'pee on command'. Both turned out pretty well. Time to test it out for REAL.

* * *

The guys had quickly recovered from their quarrels after Winry explained everything to them. If the new girls' alliance was going to strike, then the guys would just strike _first!_

The only problem was... they had nothing. So, when the girls came by the next day with a present, their guards were way down.

"Yay! A present!"

"Thanks Hawkeye!"

Her reply was something along the lines of "I'm pretty sure you'll all enjoy. Especially you, Winry." Of course, that last bit was barely even whispered. No one but Riza would hear it.

After Riza left the immediate area, Al opened the box and Black Hayate hopped out.

"Wait, why did we get a gift of Black Hayate?" Roy asked.

"I have a bad feeling about this..." Winry murmured.

"Come on, what possible bad could this pup even do to us?" Ed asked as Black Hayate started smelling around a bit.

"Yeah, anyways, he's only one _tiny_ dog against all of us. How hard could that _possibly _be to beat if he goes bad?" Havoc asked.(2)

He just had to say it, "What could _possibly_ go wrong?" Oh, Roy, _why_ did you have to say that. Everyone knows you _never_ say that cursed sentence!

Black Hayate looked vicious for a moment... then relieved. Literally. He moved over to Ed and Al's legs and lifted his own. They realized their mistake. "Aaaaaahhh!" Too late. The pup started peeing on them.(3) Then, he moved on to 'try' to walk over to the rest. Winry hid behind a couch; Roy, behind his paperwork, which wasn't the smartest move the Flame Alchemist had ever made. Havoc used the already peed on Flame Alchemist as a shield.(4)

Then, Armstrong waltzed in. Poor Black Hayate went for the big guy now. Compliments of Olivia's training. Armstrong was horrified that such a dog would be allowed in to pee on all the courageous men serving the military, and promptly let everyone know.

"WHAT'S THIS? SOME TINY DOG IS HERE TO PEE ON ALL THE MEN OF VALOR HERE? NOT ON **MY**WATCH!" And he picked up Black Hayate, who had finally stopped peeing, and threw the dog into his present-shaped prison. Riza came in as he did so.

"What are you doing to my dog?"

"This is your dog??"

"Yes. Give him here."

So, Armstrong picked up the present and gave it back to Riza. She, in turn, added Armstrong to her hit list... mentally. She left with her dog in hand, and a smirk on her face.

So, with his paperwork destroyed, Mustang decided to leave for the day. The Elrics followed suit, along with Winry. Hughes and Havoc were just standing around, until Armstrong walked near them. Then, for the lack of want to be caught in some pee-soaked hug, the two fled.

Armstrong was left standing like a confused bear. Well, he was big, and he looked confused, anyways. He left the room after waiting a few minutes for anyone to return. No one did.

* * *

The girls had been looking in from random locations to see the guys' misery. It was great. Though, Black Hayate had gotten a hurt paw from Armstrong's rough handling. They'd personally get back at him later. The next thing to do would be plan their next plot. Bwahaha!

* * *

The guys, however, were trying to recooperate after that embarassing moment. They _needed _payback! And soon! But, sadly, the only idea they'd had for over two hours' talk had only led up to pantsing the girls. And they weren't sure they'd be able to anyways. Not good.

Winry, finally being annoyed by the lack of efficiency, agreed with the idea and told them that if they were going to do it, they would do it in public. Where the most people in Central would be located... SWEET ACTION!

So, later that day, they waited until the group of women was in position, then snuck up and pantsed them. They screamed and the guys disappeared, laughing. Winry was enjoying herself as well. This was turning out to not be a battle of pranks at all, it was the WAR!

_**

* * *

**_

Yayz! I stuck my dismount! (???)

_**1) Sorry Sciezska fans. I figured I'd put a bit of my daily life into that bit.**_

_**2) For the Havoc fans, yes, his dates with Catherine have been going great!**_

_**3) That's why I believe Al is a cat person.**_

_**4) I believe that Havoc's future contains a one hundred percent chance of being slightly charred.**_

_**Please remember to review! And if you have any complaints on my style, send me a PM, not a repreminding review. I said I welcomed flames and I do, but not if they have little to nothing to do with my plots/characters.**_

_**Thanks go to: lalalatala, AnimeCookie93, Smogle, and Silent Goth Girl. Thanks for your support!**_


	9. Tricked out Cookies!

_**Sorry for the delay. This chapter's not long... sorry for that. I've been having technical issues so I'm taking it easy on the computer.**_

**_Sorry if I disappoint anyone... I hope not._**

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

A day had passed since the guys' first strike against their oppressors. Nothing had happened since then, so they figured, except for Winry, that they were in the clear. Big mistake there.

Back in the office the guys and Winry were going about business as usual. Wait... they never do much more than talk on the phone and loiter when at the office, right?(1) Well, anyways, they had another day of no assignments. So that loitering was just fine.

Then, the girls came. Oh no! The guys were looking around worriedly. Winry braced herself. What sick thing did they have in store for the guys now?

Scieszka had a metallic tray. Were they going to... hit them on the heads with the tray...? Make them pay?

The tray got closer. On it were... cookies? Sweet!(2)

Ed recovered pretty quickly. "Hey, Scieszka, can I have a cookie?"

"Sure, Ed, go ahead." She gave him a cookie.

Upon inspection, Ed found the cookie to be a triple chocolate chip cookie. Awesome! He devoured it quickly. "Yum! Can I have another?"

Everyone on the guys' side decided to have one. The girls had only the regular chocolate chip cookies. Within a few moments of consuming, the guys, somehow excluding Ed, who had about five, and Winry, who was smart enough to avoid the cookies, were heading towards the bathroom.

The girls, who were obviously fine, gathered together. They were a bit shaken by at least Ed's not having to leave while holding his gut. "What happened? Wasn't Ed supposed to have to throw up? Or was it the laxative cookies he ate?"

"One failing's understandable, but _five_?"

"What the _heck_?"

Winry pulled Ed over. "Did you eat the entire cookies?"

"Yeah, but I found a few hard things in them, so I spit those things out. Why?"

"That's why everyone else ran out for the bathroom!"

"Really? Dang, what was actually _in_ those things?"

"Probably something like a laxative or something to make everyone sick."

"Why didn't they get sick then?"

"They only ate the chocolate chips, remember?"

"Oh yeah. We need to do _something!_"

"Yep, ready to help me out?"

"Yeah."

The duo walked out. The girls were unnerved.

* * *

They had walked to the Evil Plot Store of Evilness. Go figure, it'd be closed. That place really _was_ evil. _Never_ open when it was for a just cause! Well, that would explain the "Evil" in the name...

"Um, Winry... what is this place?"

"The place where Riza had us get parts of our original plots against you guys. I'm sorry."

"Uh, no worries. I'm fine. Everyone else is too."

"We can't get in until the store opens..."

"_Really?_I thought you had more trust in my abilities." Ed said, a bit hurt by Winry's thoughtlessness towards his alchemy.(3)

"Edward, we can't just go breaking and entering..."

"Sure we can!" he said, albeit, a bit more cheerily than he should have been.

"That's illegal!"

"Not if you work for the State!"

Defeated, Winry gave in. "Fine, just make it quick. And fix it before we leave."

"Fine, fine." then facing the wall of the store, "clap on!"(4) His alchemy opened the wall just enough so that they could go in unnoticed. Strange for Ed.

After getting what they wanted without incident, they left. Payback would be sweet.

* * *

_**Well, how was it? Also, I'd like to apologize to everyone again for the delay. Sorry people. (If they're even reading this, thanks for the language info sugarbowl99 Sorry I didn't think much about the benefits beforehand.)**_

**_1) How I'd imagine it anyways._**

**_2) DON'T EAT THE COOKIES!!!_**

**_3) I know some of you suggested no alchemy. But this HAD to be done! It was a vital plot point!!!_**

**_4) Part of an abridged series of Fullmetal Alchemist that I occassionally watch. Lol_**

**_So, not too bad, right? Let me know how you feel about it in my reviews. *SPOILER ALERT* _**_I'm feeling Tom and Jerry-esq._


	10. Tom & Jerryish

_**I'm back from my ridiculously long break! Be sure to check out my other stories when I update! And if you have ANY ideas for any of the stories, please let me know!**_

_**My reasons for not updating: school, D.C. trip, school, laziness. Sorry for the long wait.**_

* * *

Inside the Evil Plot Store of Evilness...

"Hey, Winry!" Ed said, "I think I found a useful spot in here."

"Well then, show me."

Ed led her to the aisle labeled Tom and Jerry Props. Except that because of the unresolved darkness of the store, they couldn't read the label. As they walked further through the aisle, they noticed some pretty interesting objects.

That place was seriously messed up. There were giant hammers, tiny meat cleavers, rakes, rubber gloves, and other weird stuff.

Glancing around, Winry noticed many things that could possibly help them out... and bring on the PAIN! She took a giant tote bag from the aisle wall and proceeded to put nearly everything in the aisle in the tote... except for the anvil, because that thing was_ heavy!_Sooo, to be fair, Ed got to carry the heavy anvil out and all the way back to his dorm room. Yep! That was fair.

* * *

Meanwhile, during the time it took Ed and Winry to not only break into the Evil Plot Store of Evilness, but also to steal practically every T&J item there, the poor defeated guys had finally managed to work everything out of their systems. They had regrouped and yelled at the girls, but they knew that would do very little for them.

Roy invited them to his place for plotting, but then remembered that Riza had a key, so he decided that just _might_ not be the best place. Havoc's problem today scared off Catherine and he was pissed! But... his front door's lock had been shot off by a certain woman with hawk's eyes. So, Al suggested his and Ed's dorm room.

When they got there, they noticed Ed and Winry laying down on Ed's bunk. Ooooo! They were both sound asleep.

_Did something happen?_ Was what the older men were thinking.

_Oh my god! Did Ed __**really**_... That was what Al was thinking... until he saw the anvil on Ed's chest. He also noticed that Winry's hands were caught under the anvil. Man, that must be painful.

Soooo, they were really unconscious. _Whew,_was Al's thought of relief. He still had a chance with Winry.

Going over to the bed, he tried to lift the anvil, but found it a bit too heavy for him alone. "Um, guys," Al started.

"Yeah, what is it?" Roy asked. "Is it...?"

"No! They're unconscious! Can't you see the anvil?"

"Where'd they get an anvil?" Hughes asked.

"How should I know?" Al yelled.

"Alright, alright! We'll get the anvil off Ed and Winry first, then ask them where in hell they got that anvil."

"Agreed."

So, the weakened three men and Al attempted to pick up the anvil... and... they failed.

"How heavy _is_ this thing?"

"You know, for once, I'm kind of wishing we had Armstrong's help." Havoc stated.

"Yeah, I know, same here."

The ground started to tremble. The door started shaking...

"Duck!"

But, instead of the door flying in and hurting some other innocent soul, Armstrong came in through the now open window. Which means, he jumped up, broke through the window, and landed on Roy.

"Did someone call?" The giant man asked as he picked himself up. Poor Roy was squished like some kind of bug.

"Yeah, Armstrong: one, lift up this anvil for us, will you? And two, please fix the Elric brothers' window."

From under Armstrong came Roy's muffled and pained voice, "und 'ree, 'et offa me!"

"Oh, sorry sir." Armstrong said as he stepped off of Roy. Then, he picked Roy up and laid him back on the ground, face up. Then, he fixed the window. When he came over to pick up the anvil, he ended up lifting Ed and Winry along with the anvil.

"I think it's magnetic..." Hughes put in. A snap was heard. A bit of flame both undid the magnetic hold, dropping Ed and Winry onto the floor, but also burned off Armstrong's mustache!

There was dead silence... Everyone, jedi or not, could sense a disturbance in the Force. Armstrong's breathing was more like an infuriated bull's. Flame was dead...

Right when Armstrong was about to attack, a big tranquilizer dart hit him and he fell on top of Roy. _So __**this**__is what Fullmetal felt like when Armstrong collapsed on him last week._ "Never speak of this to anyone."

"Who saved your life, Roy?" Hughes asked.

"How should I know? And by the way, I STILL need some help here! Get this man OFF of me!"

So, with everyone's help, including the newcomer who turned out to be the doctor who took care of Ed after the door incident, they managed to lift Armstrong off of Roy. The doc checked out Ed and Winry... they'd be fine. Then, he checked out Roy... "The giant man has caused some minor back damage... so you'll go blind soon."

"Wait... WHAAAAT? How does that have ANY connection?"

"It doesn't. I just felt like giving bad news that doesn't have anything to do with your condition. I like keeping people on their toes!" He said with a smile.

"So, I'm okay?"

"Yep."

"I'm not going blind?"

"Not unless you somehow get blinded in some weird way. Just don't poke out your eyes!"

"And my back?"

"Fine. Roll over and we'll fix the problem."

So, Roy rolled over. The doc decided he'd jump up and down on Roy's back as hard as he could. After a quick snap, he jumped off.

"Ow! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't burn you to a crisp!"

"'Cause, I just fixed your back and pulled that mammoth man off you."

"Crap. Fine." he said, getting up. Ed started to wake up. So did Winry.

"Brother, Winry, you're both alive!"

"Ow... next time, we check to make sure the anvil's not magnetic."

"Agreed..."

"So you two didn't get sick from the cookies?"

"Right. Ed spit out the pills and I just didn't eat the cookies."

"And why an anvil?"

"Because! Who doesn't use an anvil for revenge?" Ed said.

"Fullmetal, remind me to _not_ get on your bad side..." Roy put in.

"Anyways, we tried to detach the anvil from Ed's right arm, but that only made things worse. Then my hands got caught between Ed's arm and the anvil. We lost our balance on something and fell. The anvil landed on Ed's chest and on my hands. I'm guessing the pain knocked us out."

"On my bed." Ed said with a smirk. "Ow!" he said when Winry hit him with the tiny cleaver.

"Nothing happened, Al, don't worry."

"Okay."

"So, Winry, can we still use the anvil?" Ed asked.

"Ugh, fine... Just don't kill anyone with it."

"Um, Winry, do you really want a repeat of what just happened?"

"No."

"Then I can't be the one to carry it or drop it or touch it. My arm will stick. Heheh."

"Alright, I'll do it then!" Havoc said with flames in his eyes. "They made me lose my sweet Catherine! They need to pay!"

"Guys and Winry UNITE! Raaa!" They all yelled. Surprisingly, the doc did too.

* * *

"Okay," Riza started, "we need another plan."

"I agree, so let's break out the over sized mousetraps!" Olivia/Olivier said.

"Why not?"

"Knowing those guys, they'll fall for about anything!"

"Alright, so we have the mousetraps, but we need some kind of backup plan. We don't want to end up having a small disturbance like last prank, do we?" Riza pointed out.

"Then let it be a game of cat and mouse!" LanFan said.

_**

* * *

**_

Okay, so this was kind of Tom & Jerryish. Next chapter will definitely be more Tom & Jerryish. So BE PREPARED! And please don't kill me for the kind of bad chapter after an extremely long break...

_**Doesn't the doc seem kind of like doctor House? I don't really know for sure. Lol.**_

_**Oh, and don't kill me for the tiny spoiler for brotherhood in the dialogue. REVIEW! VOTE ON MY POLL FOR THE WINNER OF THE PRANK WAR!**_


	11. OH NO YOU DIDN'T

_**I felt for not really being able to update this week, so I added a slight change in events. Am I insane? Probably. Do I care if I get Flames? Nope! I had fun with this. That's all that matters!**_

**_Enjoy! And check out the song at the bottom. It's awesome!_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own anything... except some of the words posted below... uh the plot. Yep. That's all I own. Not the characters, not the song, not the disclaimer._**

**_IMPORTANT: the poll is only open until the 22 of June. Then it's gone... forever._**

* * *

Late that night, the girls' team banded together to think up some extra pranks to pull.

LanFan brought up the idea of putting a special lure on the giant mousetraps. She also thought of disguising the mousetraps so that the guys wouldn't recognize them.

"So, what else?"

"Anything to cause pain!" Olivia/Olivier said, mostly meaning pain towards her baby brother, Alex.

"Let's rig their alarm clocks to shock them." Sciezska said. Though, she was, just maybe, a bit too excited about that idea.

"Hmm. Short, sweet, and simple. Which means that it will be overlooked pretty easily. Good idea, Sciezska." Riza said. "Anything else to plan?"

"Well, they're suckers for food, so we should probably give them some plastic for their diets."

"Let's not forget the game of dartz!"

"Better bring plastic wrap as well. Wouldn't want them to have an easy escape, you know!"

"Well, I say we completely freeze their clothes solid." Olivia/Olivier mentioned. Go figure the ice queen would bring up freezing clothes. Oh well, it works.

"Don't forget the explosives!" LanFan put in. "Non-deadly, of course."

"Also," Riza put in, "Insect stink bombs. We could also pretend they killed Black Hayate."

"Then, lastly, we change their hair colors to be as girly as possible!"

With a burst of laughter, they left for the night. Some went to rig the clocks. Some to set up the lured mousetraps. Some to get the plastic food and other equipment from the Evil Plot Store of Evilness. And some to get ready for the dartz game and to freeze the guys' shirts solid.

* * *

On the guys' side, which the doc decided to join for some reason, they were plotting as well.

Winry led the session. "So, what ideas do we have today?"

"What about the anvil?" Ed whined.

"Yes Ed, we're still going to find out a way to use it. Don't worry."

"How about invisibility spray?"

"Good... wait... there's no such thing! Not _even_ the Evil Plot Store of Evilness has any!"

"Aww... too bad! I really wanted to use some!" The doc whined.

"Deal with it!"

"Fine, but could we at least get some terrifying costumes?"

"Sure."

And the conversation went on like this for some time. Then, they all left for the Evil Plot Store of Evilness to gather their weapons. (1)

At the Evil Plot Store of Evilness... when _all_ of _both_ groups showed up near the same time...

* * *

The leaders, Winry and Riza noticed each other. They moved close and their groups moved with them. Everyone glared. Then, someone shouted, "RUN FOR IT!"

Everyone bolted for the doors. And, because they were trying to bolt for the doors of an 'evil' store, they ran face first into the locked doors. Well, sadly for Riza, Winry, Ed, and LanFan, the magnetic anvil was then dropped onto them. Due to Ed's automail and LanFan's constant metal weapon supply, and possibly a bit from Winry's wrench and Riza's guns, the anvil stuck tightly to all of them.

"Get... This... Off... Me!" Riza shouted.

"Like we're having much more fun?" Ed retorted.

"Who dropped the magnetic anvil?" Winry asked poisonously.

"Uh, sorry, Winry." Havoc mumbled.

The mass of four struggled to get up. Some strange music started playing from the Evil Plot Store of Evilness.(2)

"Oh no, oh no, oh no... Oh no you didn't!" All four sang at once to Havoc.

"There's no second chances! You will do the dance of sor-ROW!"

"AAAAHHHH!" Well, Havoc fled. His pants were full of wetness.

"Better watch your back boy keep runnin'!" They sang in four part harmony.

They finished with a group harmony of "oh no, oh no, oh noooo! OH NO YOU DIDN'T!"

_**

* * *

**_

Ha! This was fun to write! Flame away! I had fun! That's all that matters! But a review that's not a flame would be like an extra chocolate chip cookie to me! I loves me my chocolate!

_**1) OH NO!**_

_**2) That would be 'Oh no you didn't' written by the Merenaries 2 and sung by the Wojahn Brothers. LISTEN TO IT. You know you want to!**_


	12. The Finale!

_**Well, the last chapter of this fic is here. I hope you enjoy it! Sorry about the no updating for a long time. I kept getting sick or having to work. Enjoy!**_

**_Major Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, Macarana, or Macadamia Nut (animaniacs version of Macarana). I don't even own the idea of putting everything together. So please don't sue me!_**

* * *

"Okaaay... Now that was weird, you three." the doc said.

"News flash! There's four of us!" LanFan said, trying to detach herself from Ed. Poor Ed was getting LanFan's foot in his chest.

"OW! Stop it already, dammit!"

"I'll fix it." Mustang put in a bit too eagerly. He snapped his fingers and a tiny jet of flame slightly scorched everyone except Riza. They were detached thanks to the flames.

"Ow..."

"Just had to do that, didn't you!" Ed pointed an accusing finger at Roy.

"Either that, or you'd be stuck to those three for the rest of your life... which except for one of them being my subordinate, I'd figure you'd be happy with."

"Hey! That's... actually a good idea..." All three of the girls who were attached to Ed just a minute ago started hitting him with whatever they could find offhand. "Ow, okay, okay! I was joking! I was joking!" He said that a bit too late, though. He'd already been bashed with Winry's wrench, (1) nearly hit with a bullet from Riza's gun, and thouroughly beaten by LanFan/RanFan.

The rest of the groups started laughing at poor Ed's pain. Minus Al and Armstrong, who either cared too much about Ed, or were still crying over the loss of a mustache passed down the Armstrong family line for generations.

It went quiet... everyone looked at each other awkwardly. Ed got up and joined the awkward staring match. That went on for a little while longer. Then, the doors to the Evil Plot Store of Evilness opened up. The Fuhrer walked out, flanked by the costumed vampire and werewolf.

"Hello everybody. Why are you all at my house?"

"THIS IS YOUR HOUSE?" Everyone screamed in confusion.

"Yep. It's a great place to get away from everything, you know." (2) Bradley said smiling.

Ed moved the anvil behind him with his flesh leg. He didn't want to be caught with his 'precious'.(3)

Winry slapped him and moved the anvil away from everyone. Ed started sniffling sadly. Winry gave him a quick hug that perked him up immediately.

"Well, come on in. We were just getting ready for an AWSOMERIFIC musical!" The vampire said excitedly.

"Yup, yup, yup!" The doc ran inside, arms waving flying in the air.

* * *

**Ed:**Sooo, what's up with the random change in the writing type.

**Winry:** What do you mean?

**Bradley:** I think he means that it's changed from a regular story type to that of a play.

**Winry:**Ohhh... I see.

**Werewolf**:(frowning) That's because our writer sucks at writing musicals outside of play format.

**Me:** Shut-up! I'm not perfect. I'm also not changing it! So just DEAL with it! Write the rest of this by yourselves then! (leaves)

**Al:** Aw, come back! We can't finish this without an author! (runs after author)

**Me:** Fine. But I'm not switching writing types. I'm not even gonna try.

**Bradley:** Alright. Alright. Let's just finish this. (flips on music)

**Ed and Roy:**(grab the microphones) (to a random hot lady) Helloooo, Nurse!

**Ed:**Uhhhh... now what?

**Riza:** (steals microphone) (points gun to Ed and Roy) Just follow along!

**Ed and Roy:** Yikes!

(Macarana plays) (Everyone starts dancing the Macarana)

**Riza:**I act like a nut, so they call me Macadamia! I dance like a klutz on certain occassias! (After some more lines of just music pass) Am I a cutie? Absolutely! And a beauty, you can bet your buttootie!

**Riza, the doc, Winry:**(miming what they sing) But if you touch me, or even get near me, I'll shoot you in the ass-ets! Do you hear me?

**Ed and Roy:**Riza's a nut, so they call her Macadamia. She's cracked in the head, and kooky in the brainia. Each line in this song is pretty much the sameia! OY, Macadamia!

**Hughes:**(drugged by doc) Daaaah...

**Ed and Roy:**Why are you going to Nintendo, Macadamia? Hey you big sack, passing o're Grania! And who cut the cheese, 'cause we didn't, and it's stinkia!

**All:**OY, Macadamia!

**Roy:** (burns something)

**Riza**: (frowning) (climbs tower in the Store of Evilness with Roy) Now, please don't bring up my boyfriend. The one we call Royoreno!

**Roy:** (burns something else)

**Riza:** He's always burning, something every hour. So I'm throwing him out of this tower! (throws Roy)

**Roy:**WHOA! (hits ground and is knocked unconscious)

**Riza:** (laughs) Now come on! What did you expect me to do? He was angering me! And I'm just a cute little thing... So _don't cross me!_

**Ed and Al:**(pointing to Riza) (checking on Roy) She's cracked like a nut, so they call her Macadamia! Whenever she gets mad, you'll experience painia. Cuts and bruises, you will sustainia! OY, Macadamia! (pointing to Roy at last part)

**Roy:** (groaning) wish I'd known...

**Armstrong:** (crying in corner) My mustache...

**Ed, Al, and Roy:**Wash your monkey, please, Macadamia! The world is the goal for King Bradley and Fatheria! (pointing to Father in his flask)

**Riza:**Again and go on, the repetitive refrainia.

**All:**OY, Macadamia!

**Father:**YESS! (Riza kicks his flask out of the way)

**Riza:** (looking adorable) Don't hate me because I'm cute.

**Ed, Al, and Roy:**La, lala, la, la, Macadamia! Tra, trala, tra, tra, Macadamia! Cuh, cuhcuh, cuh, cuh, Macadamia! OY, Macadamia!

**Sciezska:** Spew! (pushed out of the way by Ed)

**Ed:**La, tuhtuh, la, tuh, Macadamia! Rup, ruprup, rup, rup, Macadamia! Buh, buhbuh, buh, buh, Macadamia!

**Ed, Al, and Roy:**OY, Macadamia!

**Riza, Sciezska, Armstrong, Doc, Winry:** (giggling)

**Bradley:** (confused) I don't get it. What's the joke?

**Everyone:... **Uhhh...

**Riza:**(grabs microphone again) I'm a nut who's known as Macadamia, but you can call me by my other nameias!

**Riza, Doc, Winry:**Louisa! Francheska!(4) Banana-Fana!(5) Bo-Beska!(4)

**Riza:**Or just plain Riza, the name I flirt to, but if you call me Mrs. Mustang I'll really have to hurt you!

**Ed, Al, Roy, and Riza:**Pah, pahla, pah, pah, Macadamia! Pup, cadup, pup, pup, Macadamia! Skuh, cahluh, lah, luh, Macadamia! OY, Macadamia! Ack, pahdack, squak, lack, Macadamia! Flup, cluhdup, ruh, lup, Macadamia! Pep-si, Sprite, and Sunkist, and Root Beer! OY Macadamia!

**Everyone:** NUTS! (6)

_**

* * *

**_

Hahahahaha! I'll miss writing this! ~~~~~Please Review for me~~~~

_**1) Oh yeah! The wrench gets a mention!**_

_**2) Apparently, Bradley likes the pranks and gags! ^^**_

_**3) Yep. Lord of the Rings, I believe.**_

_**4) Sciezska gets mad.**_

_**5) LanFan/RanFan gets mad.**_

_**6) I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!**_

_**If anyone wants an epilogue, please let me know. I'll be happy to write it if at least 5 people want it. Bye-bye! You can also let me know by review, e-mail, pm, or poll.**_


	13. Epilogue!

_**Well, you asked for it, and it's HERE! Enjoy the final part of Armstrongization OH NO!**_

_**Yes, I know it's not going to be as funny as the chapters beforehand... It's an epilogue people! They just explain what happens after the main story! Be sure to help me out on a new poll I have. I need help with a new story... Thanks to those who've read my story until this point. Thanks even more to the people who've reviewed! Thanks to the people who read the entire author's note! I appreciate it!**_

* * *

Epilogue

A few months after that little prank episode came and went, things between the guys and girls couldn't be better. And whenever they got upset at each other, they would start a little prank war, choose sides, and fight it out. Life was certainly not boring.

As for relationships, Ed and Winry got together, Hughes and Gracia could never be more impossible to detach, and Roy and Riza got together.

Al and Havoc got jobs at the Evil Plot Store of Evilness, replacing the werewolf and vampire. The two fought over who got to be what, but when Al threatened to use Ed's anvil on him, Al got to be the werewolf. Havoc sulked for a short while.(1)

Bradley held open karaoke nights at his second home every Friday. He found it helped his staff to unwind from a hard week's work. Though, nobody expected Roy's voice could go that high in falsetto. Eventually, Bradley made the Evil Plot Store of Evilness a prank shop/hotel/bar. Not sure if that'd be a good idea, but Bradley seemed to think so.(2)

On the karaoke side, Ed made it a habit to sing 'Dream On' whenever he came. He was pretty good. Every now and then, he and Al would make an incredible duet. Winry would occassionally join in, but then they had to change the song to 'Hero'. They made an even better trio. The drunk bystanders would throw a good amount of money at them. They would've been rich if Bradley hadn't taken his 'fair share.'

The Armstrong clan came to sue the author of this story and Roy for burning off Alex's mustache. So! The author gave them a spray that re-grows hair and got out of the suing circle. Alex got his mustache back and Roy lost a ton of money in court. And the author didn't lose a cent! But the author didn't make a cent either...

So, Roy and Riza joined Ed's little karaoke group to regain their lost money. Before anyone knew it, they started a band called the Flaming Metal. They did an awesome job on their songs and earned a ton of money... until they had to disband. An interview revealed that Roy had called Ed "short and insignificant to the band". Ed got mad, left the band with Al and Winry, and put Roy in the hospital for a metal fist to the face, saying, "nobody calls the lead singer of this band a microscopic little short short wearing flea!"

The doc ended up working on Roy, accidentally making him go temporarily blind. Roy would've burned him if he could've seen him. The doc charged him a ton for the short trip, simply because he'd been threatened.

Father's flask was shattered, so the homonculi went on to do whatever they wanted. Gluttony got fired every time he went to a job without Lust, mainly because he'd eat everything in sight. Sloth finally got to sleep, Envy flew the coop somewhere. Selim helped his daddy with the Evil Plot Store of Evilness.

Eventually, Ed and Roy quit working for the State and stayed working for the Evil Plot Store of Evilness. Winry and Riza came along for the ride as well. Yup, things were great for everyone except Roy. Oh well, at least everyone else was happy.

"Good work," Muse says.

"That's because I got _sleep _in between the craziness you made me write."

"What's sleep?"

"The thing were you close your eyes and don't do anything for several hours. It let's my mind work right."

"Really? Who knew?" Muse shrugged.

"Does this mean I can choose my hours?"

"Nope! You're still my slave."

"Crap."

_**

* * *

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There you have it. My Muse is evil. The epilogue is done. And I don't own anything except the plot. No, wait... my Muse owns that.

_**Songs mentioned: Dream On by Aerosmith, Hero by Skillet.**_

_**1) I prefer werewolves. They're so FLUFFY! lol**_

_**2) Yeah, he's got issues putting a hotel, prank shop, and bar together. And then letting Selim work in it as well.**_

_**Well, hope you enjoyed the story! It was fun to write and I hope fun to read! Review and help me on my polls!**_


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